Friday, August 05, 2005

The Best Complaint Letter EVER!

Someone shared this with me and I laughed so hard my manager gave me the evil eye. I had to compress the images for the web so it's hard to read so I'll transcribe what it says, but I still have put up a couple of pages so you can see the depictions; they're the best part.
Dear Continental Airlines,
I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts.
As you may know this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.
All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is. Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the woosh of the constant flushing? OR is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel?
I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment - while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as with an evil glare passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last.
I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the lav.
[picture here of toilet next to seat]
I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch (and taste) from my seat.
Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just hear a man GROAN in there! This sucks!
[picture w/ caption: depiction of man's butt in my face
Worse yet, is I've paid over $400.00 for the honor of sitting in this seat! Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.
I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor...what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me.
I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.
We are finally desending and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.
I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing baggage maybe but not human cargo.

LMAO poor bastard. There are NO worse seats on a plane than those next to the lavvie.
Oh very well played. You have a gift my friend, continue to spread it

get it?

I have read that before, but it's still funny. Best complaint letter EVER is correct.
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