Thursday, June 30, 2005

A Note To All Of You

Now, whenever I hear people spilling their doom & gloom.."Oh, the world is falling apart." "I would never want a bring a child into this world because it's just gone to hell"....I want to say "shut up."

I've learned over the last couple of years is that there is so much good out there. It is proven to me over and over here in blogland and in the forum worlds. I have met so many kind people on the internet (and a few years ago I never would have imagined that I would).

So thanks to all of you for restoring my faith in mankind.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005


Since I've been on my Ewan kick & working my way through Scrubs Season 1, I haven't watched anything in the Whedonverse in a long time. So last night I plopped myself down to watch Amends. It's almost strange to go back to the high school days of the show - the sets were still so bad. But this episode had some really good writing in it and it set my heart to pitter-pattering. There were certainly episodes that were better from start to finish but this episode ended with a scene that encompassed all that was fantastic in the Buffy/Angel world - heart wrenching emotion.

Angel: It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again.
Buffy: I know what it told you. What does it matter?
Angel: Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care.

Angel: It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man.

Angel: Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!
Buffy: What about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard... and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. I can't.

Surveys, Surveys and More Surveys

What's Your Style?
Style for you is almost accidental, but you have a good eye for simplicity, good design and fine materials. You prefer comfort, ease and things that are made well, and your make-up and hair are usually understated and don't call attention to themselves. You're someone who will never be upstaged by an outfit; clothing is all about accentuating whatever natural assets you have. You like wearing muted, earthy colours and clothing with a roomy fit. Fashion isn't the first order of business in your life, so you lean toward simple lines and few accessories. You have several favourite items which tend to last forever, and much of your wardrobe is like an old, reliable friend.

Style role models: Meg Ryan, Kate Winslet and Helen Hunt.

What's Your Seduction Style?
The Charmer
You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

VH1's Reality

When I was 8 and really into wrestling, like my older brother, I thought Hulk Hogan was the most awesome man ever - just behind my father. I also thought he resembled my father greatly (in the face). This was at the height of Hulk-a-mania.

So, out of curiosity I checked out the site for VH1's new show: Hogan Knows Best. While it seems like it will be somewhat amusing (I love The Surreal Life and Best Week Ever), all I can think about while looking at the previews is "Man, his daughter sure looks slutty."

Did anyone happen to see The Best Week Ever when they named Juror #5 from the Michael Jackson trial as having had the best week ever? That was SO flippin hysterical! One comedian said, "That lady does not like snapping. I bet she hates The Adams Family."

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Why Should You Visit?

I suppose I should use this blog to post deep analysis of myself and humankind, rather than the childish dreaming of good-looking celebrity men that I have no chance of ever meeting.
Problem is, I have trouble writing down that type of thing, unless I'm feeling extremely melancholy. Today I do not feel like that.
I've had a nice morning with my family and I've had a nice lunch. A nap is in my near future. What is there to feel melancholy about?
So anyone who might visit this blog, please bear with my mindless droning. I may not challenge your intellect but I will post on a regular basis.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Who needs a rubberduck?

What exactly is it that makes men in bathtubs so damn sexy??

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When You're 5 It's Okay...

This morning I saw a small compact car that was neon yellow. It had a personalized license plate that said "TweetyBird". The windows had stickers of tweety bird all over them and stuffed tweety birds were on the front & rear dash. The woman driving appeared to be around the age of 65.

Not to offend any Looney Toones loving bloggers out there but I find it odd when an adult is obsessed with cartoon characters.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

How To Spend Your Free Time

Do you ever question your own purpose? I've been thinking a lot lately about how I don't contribute to society. Should I be volunteering somewhere? Should I be finding my voice and attending public meetings in my community? I hate the development in my neighborhood - why don't I tell the town council this? I do donate money to a handful of charaties but that doesn't seem to be enough.

I admit it. I'm lazy. No shocker to anyone who knows me. I love being with my husband and pets. I don't like to give up my time with them. How incredibly selfish am I?

I have, in a lame attempt to alleviate my guilt, linked the charaties that I monetarily donate to in the lower-right hand corner. These truly are causes that I believe in. I also donate to the Boston Terrier Rescue of NC but I have them in my favorite links at the top left. I hope you'll take a look at them and maybe be moved to donate too.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Change is Inevitable

I'm going to get on my soapbox for a moment.

I really hate it when these ignorant good 'ol boys start yammering about "that's what the constituion was made for" yadda yadda yadda.

The constitution wasn't written without the expectation of it ever having to be changed. Times have changed. Society has evolved. So the rules that applied in 1776 - don't necessarily apply in 2005. Why can't some people see this?

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Father's Day

So it's Father's Day again. Time seems to come and go so quickly these days. We had a family get-together tonight to celebrate. My grandfather was celebrated and two of my brothers who are now fathers themselves. And it was nice, but in the back of my mind the whole time, I am thinking to myself "I miss my Dad."

It's hard to be without him sometimes. Strange, considering we didn't communicate much in the last couple of years of his life. He moved to another city and wasted away his days. Punishing himself for all his mistakes.

The last time I saw my father he looked nothing like the man I once knew. He was gaunt, wrinkled and broken. Physically and emotionally. A severe stroke had left him without use of one arm, a drag of a leg and unable to speak properly. And yet, he still had people willing to sell him drugs and help him use them. On that last visit, I wasn't as nice to him as I should've been. I was so angry with him. I rushed to leave because of the shame of seeing what he had done to himself. I never knew that would be the last time I would see him.

My aunt called me to tell me he was gone on a Saturday morning. He had been staying alone in an efficiency apartment. No one had seen him for awhile. Finally one of his "friends" had the super let him in. And they found him. My Dad had been dead for two days. Two days. How pitiful is it to die and no one know or miss you for two days? His heart had stopped they said. I didn't ask questions. What good would that do?

I drove down that afternoon. My older brother and I had to go gather my dad's belongings. There was blood on the bed where my father had died.

My brother sobbed while my Mom and my husband stood by helplessly. My brother had an even more tumultous relationship with Dad than I had and the last time they had spoken was not pleasant. I hurt for him. I still do. He has recently become a father himself and he aches every day to not be able to share his experiences with Dad.

The rest of the weekend is a blur. My sister and youngest brother were now allowed to come to be with Dad even though they had not while he was alive because their Mother had ended her divorce from Dad very bitterly. My sister weeped, knowing that she would now never get to know the father she had always yearned for. That breaks my heart. We had a brief memorial service for him which the immediate family came to. None of his brothers even cried. Dad had burned a lot of bridges in the last few years of his life. I held it together throughout the whole weekend. Two days after coming home, I sat one night thinking after my husband went to bed. A song came on that my Dad had loved and I lost it. It finally hit me. I cried for hours. I cried how wrong the whole situation was. He was only 48 years old.

As I sit here and type this now, tears flow down my face. I have not fully written out the experiences of that weekend before. At one time, my Dad had a lot of love in him. He loved his children even though he wasn't good at showing it.

I try to focus on this. I try to focus on the really good times when I remember him laughing. Sometimes it comes easy. Other times, not so much. But I do know that I miss him terribly. If he were here today, I'd wrap my arms around him and squeeze him as tight as I could. I'd' tell him that I love him - no matter what. Something I should have done more often. And I'd ask him to sing for me again. I always loved to hear him sing.

Dad with my sister Nora Kate around 1988

Friday, June 17, 2005

Yet Another Ewan Movie Review

Young Adam. Wow. Now that wasn't quite what I expected. And this did nothing at all to help my Ewan McGregor lust. The movie was basically artsy soft porn. Sometimes it is amazing how they can make a full length film with practically no plot. But it was far better than Eye of the Beholder which basically had no plot either. At least this one takes place between Glascow & Edinburgh and has pretty Scottish accents in it. And I think I'd watch Ewan read the phone book. It was beautifully lit.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Slayer Is Punning

I painted my den orange. I really love it. These pictures suck and the orange looks rather pastely in the pictures but it's really not. It's more of a vibrant tangerine orange. My den has very little natural lighting so it's nice to have that POW! when you walk in.

and I painted stripes in my bathroom

If you have not watched season 1 of Scrubs, I highly recommend that you get it. Last night I watched "My Fifteen Minutes" which I had never seen before. Zach Braff doing a bit as Randy "Macho Man" Savage had me laughing so hard I couldn't breathe!

Also last night I watched A Life Less Ordinary. It could have been a great off-beat comedy but as it is, it was okay. Ewan was perfect as usual. His timing and believability is incredible. And I must admit, seeing him in a kilt was probably the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Is There Hope? claim that a distributor thinks Serenity might be moved up to an earlier release date than Sept. 30th.

Keep your fingers crossed because that will rock!!

Buffyverse Fans Take Note

linked from Whedonesque to this in an article from the Chicago Tribune:

"Attention, fans of Joss Whedon's "Angel" and "Buffy": Watch for subtle references to both shows on Fox's "The Inside," which was created by "Angel" writer/producer Tim Minear. A criminal wore a T-shirt that said "Wolfram" in the show's Wednesday premiere (a shoutout to "Angel's" law firm, Wolfram and Hart). In the third episode of the show, there's a minor character named Angel who goes missing, as well as a prominent reference to the "Buffy" musical, "Once More With Feeling." See if you can spot it."

SC is located directly next to Hell

Holy Crap. It's going to be 99 degrees today with a heat index of 105. What? Is Satan taking over South Carolina? True, I've lived here all my life but you never get used to July & August heat like that. And it's not like we have a dry heat here like in Texas. It's HUMID. And when I say humid I mean, you walk outside and immediately look like you've been swimming. And the neighbors wonder why a 27 year old woman would set up an inflatable pool in her backyard. Geesh.

In totally un-related news; Crystal the Critic is at it again: I finally picked up the latest Kelly Clarkson & John Mayer cds. Really, really good.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I Won't Be Swinging On A Pole Any Time Soon...

It has been brought to my attention by some friends that my name, Crystal, and even more so, my nickname CrystalPistol sounds like a stripper's name. (BOO!)

I assure you that Crystal is my real name and it is a perfectly legitimate name. It never occured to me to think that CrystalPistol would sound unsavory because it was made up by a family member very innocently when I was a child.

Heroine & Movies

Got my first peek at Ewan's nether-regions last night. Sadly it was not because he was at my house. Nope. I watched Trainspotting. Still don't know why it was titled that. There weren't any trains in it that they were spotting. That's a very fucked up movie but extremely accurately portrayed I would believe. The mentality of a herione addict was dead on.
I had a friend - she was actually a tenant at one of my rental properties - that died of a heroine overdose two years ago. She was only 22. It's amazing how the need for that drug completely takes over a person.
While watching Trainspotting and the scene were Renton is "manually" coming off of the drug, I was reminded of The Man With The Golden Arm starring Frank Sinatra. I really appreciate now how bold that movie was at its time. Sinatra "manually" gets clean from heroine in that film too by much of the same means. It doesn't get as deep into the halucinations but it's quite powerful for an old black and white film.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Crystal The Critic

I watched Big Fish last night and loved it. I've never been completely bowled over by a Tim Burton film but this one got me. Of course, it had one of the sexiest men on the planet in it but besides that the story was just beautiful. It really moved me. It's a father/child story which I'm a bit of a mush for anyway having lost my dad already. It was romantic. It was fun. It was endearing. The writing was most excellent and I was struck by a line in it: A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way, he becomes immortal. This was true in the literal sense for the movie. But it still applies to my own life. I can think of stories my father told me and it helps me to remember him with a smile. And it helps me to share my love for him with others.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Now, this is how men should be!

One of my girlfriend's sent me a Brawny man greeting. He's so sensitive! Innocent Escapes

Monday, June 06, 2005


If you are a personal friend of mine or a family member, the following might be TMI

I don't know what's wrong with me. I shouldn't be like this. I am seriously lusting over Ewan McGregor. Not teenage schoolgirl lust. I really really want him. My fantasties have moved from nightime dreams to fantasties during the daytime. Isn't that strange? Is it weird to fantasize about someone you don't even know? My husband knows I like Ewan a lot but I don't think he realizes the extent of my dreams. Hell, I don't try to think about Ewan. I just can't help it.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

I Am Your Dog

Author Unknown

I am your dog, and I have a little something I'd like to whisper in your ear. I know that you humans lead busy lives. Some have to work, some have children to raise. It always seems like you are running here and there, often much too fast, often never noticing the truly grand things in life. Look down at me now, while you sit there at your computer. See the way my dark brown eyes look at yours? They are slightly cloudy now. That comes with age. The gray hairs are beginning to ring my soft muzzle.

You smile at me; I see love in your eyes. What do you see in mine? Do you see a spirit? A soul inside, who loves you as no other could in the world? A spirit that would forgive all trespasses of prior wrong doing for just a simple moment of your time? That is all I ask. To slow down; if even for a few minutes to be with me. So many times you have been saddened by the words you read on that screen, of other of my kind, passing. Sometimes we die young and oh so quickly, sometimes so suddenly it wrenches your heart out of your throat. Sometimes, we age so slowly before your eyes that you may not even seem to know until the very end, when we look at you with grizzled muzzles and cataract clouded eyes. Still the love is always there, even when we must take that long sleep, to run free in a distant land.

I may not be here tomorrow; I may not be here next week. Someday you will shed the water from your eyes, that humans have when deep grief fills their souls, and you will be angry at yourself that you did not have just "One more day" with me. Because I love you so, your sorrow touches my spirit and grieves me we have NOW, together. So come, sit down here next to me on the floor, and look deep into my eyes. What do you see? If you look hard and deep enough we will talk, you and I, heart to heart. Come to me not as "alpha" or as "trainer" or even "Mom or Dad," come to me as a living soul and stroke my fur and let us look deep into one another's eyes, and talk.

I may tell you something about the fun of chasing a tennis ball, or I may tell you something profound about myself, or even life in general. You decided to have me in your life because you wanted a soul to share such things with. Someone very different from you, and here I am. I am a dog, but I am alive. I feel emotion, I feel physical senses, and I can revel in the differences of our spirits and souls. I do not think of you as a "Dog on two feet" -- I know what you are. You are human, in all your quirkiness, and I love you

Now, come sit with me, on the floor. Enter my world, and let time slow down if only for 15 minutes. Look deep into my eyes, and whisper to my ears Speak with your heart, with your joy and I will know your true self. We may not have tomorrow, and life is oh so very short.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I got myself in a mood today to listen to my favorite songs from the 40's & 50's which is by far my favorite genre (big band). So then I go on a downloading frenzy because, of course, all of my cds are at home.

There's a line in Old Man River that just gets to me every time.
"I'm tired of living, but I'm scared of dying"

Today I'd really like to have Storm's powers so that I could stop the rain. That'd be nice.

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